Looking back to look forward

Therapy Quilt and The Rest of My Story

 

  While this blog is focused on my quilting projects, it is also a record of the events in my life.  And hind sight is always much more in focus and revealing to me.    Looking back gives me perspective to look forward.











  One year ago, I was still in rehab and learning to stand and walk with a walker.  I was being treated for a B-12 deficiency, and lead to believe all things would return to normal in a few months!  This last year has included 3 months of occupational therapy for motor skills, 6 months of physical therapy for balance, walking and standing without falling over.  Neurological visits and testing and a clearer diagnosis of Pernicious Anemia and a life time of B-12 injections, and severe carpel tunnel in one hand and moderate in the other.  Surgery on both wrists---enough said--it was a nightmare time.  

   Teaching myself to sew again.....all those fine motor motion skills were weak.  I continue to suffer with the numbness and nerve pain in the fingers and hands.   I walk now on my own for short distances.  It takes a full concentration to maintain balance and not stumble.

    Feet and legs are numb  and the muscles tend to "lock up" and not respond at times.  I think this is due to over stimulation  from the nerves to the muscles.  I pray it is a sign of healing.   The nerves in the  feet are required to sense the ground/horizon for balance.  I have learned a few techniques about keeping my balance and using my toes and my eyes.   Vision changes have improved again....vitamin deficiencies can lead to lost of eyesight.   Since increasing the injections of B-12 to twice a week, I have begun to feel pain in my feet.  Pain is a good thing---some times.  I get thru the grocery store or shopping by having my hands on the shopping cart.  It keeps me grounded while I scan the shelves and look thru racks.   Awkward but vital for me.

  So on days like today, the thoughts haunt me.  Will I ever get better?  How long will this go on?  I want to be independent again.  I want to freely walk in the yard, climb a hill, go to the Farmer's Market......just things to enjoy.   I make myself stop and pause to think again.

  Insight:  From the fortune cookie.......

  Yesterday I cooked breakfast, went to the grocery store, put groceries away, planned the week's meals,  did 2 loads of laundry, and folded clothes.  I cooked the ground chuck for Shepard's Pie, washed up some dishes, made a late lunch.  I had a short nap, answered emails, and sorted more fabric, etc.   Exactly what in the world am I complaining about?  I have improved because a year ago I could do maybe one or two things before I collapsed.  Am I where I want to be?  No, but my life is not a race, it is my adventure.  
                     
      My adventure is slower and less arduous than most.   I am more appreciative of the things I can do, of the people I meet, of the times I enjoy.  I can still challenge myself to try new things, to be the best me I can be.  I look forward to seeing the next year of my adventure.